I’m waiting. Like a water spirit animal sitting on the edge of the lake. feeling the wind and mountainous ground surrounding me, cradling my being, creating a safe, quiet space to sit and wait.
It smells like fresh tea in the air, light and flavorful. Sun rays reflect off the water and towards my curious body, as I sit and wait.
As I wait, I become curious as to why I am waiting. What am I waiting for?
I feel like there are two dimensions I am experiencing. One where I’m not sure as to what the future holds, and the other where the future is unbound and limitless. Am I to grab onto one of the things I see? Will the laws of physics be at play?
As I sit and reflect, thoughts start to piece together. I am a spirit, part of the second dimension where all goes and is untangible. But what I see, my blue-grey smooth skin, obtuse body, and the scenery in front of me, is all within the first dimension. I exist.
How confusing is this? Existing in two fields, trying to meet and converge at a point that manifests my reality.
I don’t like this. I feel as though I am the observer, observing these fields at play, with no input as to what happens. My input feels minimal and almost pointless. Maybe I am the raindrop that ripples the lake. But if I were, then I would be one of the same as the lake, but I am not. I am me.
So I sit here. Confused, but taking in the information around me, both what I can see and what I can feel. But why am I waiting? Is it purposeful, or am I lost?
In my human world, waiting means failure, something that hasn’t happened. If we worked with 0’s and 1’s, it would be 0 because the field hasn’t been populated. So maybe I’m waiting for the 0 to turn 1. Waiting for the small behind-the-scenes thing to fully occupy the space to flick the light from off to on. But why am I waiting?
If that’s what, then what’s the why? Am I waiting because I don’t belong? Am I waiting because I don’t have the spirit or energy needed for the thing to happen? Why am I waiting?
If I were to go into the lake and swim along the bottom, I would witness so much life buzzing and happening. But why not happen in my life? What am I waiting on? The perfect land? The perfect people? The perfect opportunity? What makes perfection in this world, where multiple fields exist and converge and split into so many possibilities, is that perfection is the possibility itself. The very essence that it can exist and meet at the converging point in this reality means it is perfect.
Like life starting from a seed, egg, or embryo, it won’t happen if the check marks aren’t complete. If the necessary 0’s and 1’s aren’t established. Life needs multiple things to be true for a manifested reality to exist. So why am I waiting? Am I waiting for these things to align and complete? Is it me?
Why can’t I see out in front of me? Not physically where the mountains are, but spiritually, where the lights are. Why is it a blur? Even when I focus all my attention on it, it still exists as a blur. Am I waiting for the picture to populate to receive my next directions? Why am I the only one at this lake waiting? People come and go, but no one stays. Should I leave and truly be lost or just sit here and wait? I’m not sure.
The seeds of the one waiting.
